The mind is mine to wander.
Yesterday was another chance meeting with Death. I was almost washed out to sea while attempting to help save someone. He is alive and well. I am alive, but I am not sure I am well. Something happened to me as a person, not even a minute before help arrived. I accepted the fact that I would cease to exist.
In the past, I have always joked about, Ill sleep when I die.” And I have been serious every time. I have come to fully accept my passing at any moment, and in that moment I realized that I would die, just as I have done so many other times. But this time was different, I have always come back whole. This time, a part of me is still out in the ocean. I didnt try to joke about it afterwards, and I dont think I ever will. I feel lost now. I have fully accepted that my muscles would grow tired, my lungs would eventually fill with water, I would drown, and that a boat would eventually fish me out (If they were lucky). Either that or I would be the food of some creature of the waters where my body would swell with saltwater.
There is no “seeing my life flash before my eyes” The only thing I felt was peace with a slight mix of content. I am content with the things I have done in my life. I have done my best to help those that need it. I have tried to find the smiles that are lost on peoples’ (even strangers) faces. There is nothing I regretted in my life. Nothing that makes me feel, “I wish I could have done ___ before I die.”
I put my own life in danger to attempt to help someone that I had just met the previous night. i expected to drown in the process once I realized I was not strong enough to pull us both back to shore. Will I continue to put life on the line to help others? Yes, I will not sit by and see someones light go out, even at the cost of my own. I refuse to. I know that there are those who would miss me, but I just cannot see myself watching as someone ceases to live.
I have accepted death already, the fact that I am still here confuses me, and I honestly do not know where to go from here.
In all honesty, I have recently felt a strain on something inside me that I cant quite describe as anything else but in they fiber of my being, and my soul. Deep down a part of me knows that I will be greeting the Reaper in close to 4-5 years. I dont know how or why I feel that, but something tells me it to be true.
I cannot pass away, because there is something I must do for someone, and a few other things in life I must learn and share with others. There are so many things I have already learned that people twice my age have told me that have only learned from me telling them. I have a collection of writings that i will share with everyone in the coming months on here as well as facebook in hopes that others will continue.
With that being said, I hope that I am able to learn all that I can and am able to share with others all I have learned.
In closing this small post, I will only say this. I know I am young, but I feel so much older and tired than I should, not in body and mind, but on a deeper level that I cant really explain.
MP3 320k : http://goo.gl/Qe7oni
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A tribute to the legendary soul singer, Sam Cooke by french beatmaker ProleteR.
Produced and mixed by ProleteR
Bandcamp : http://proleter.bandcamp.com
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Mastered by Le MELODiST (studio atomix) www.atomixproject.fr